Mom And The Internet Dating Scene

Mick Jagger first told us back in 1969, "You Can't Always Get What You Want."

Undoubtedly, that is true, but I'm always up for the trying.

In my latest effort, I've become acquainted with the world of online dating.

Not for personal gain, mind you; monogamous marriage suits me just fine.

No, this matchmaking endeavor concerned none other than my dear mother.

A widow after almost 50 years of marriage, Mom spends her days with the usual activities of any 72-year-old woman- gardening, fishing, shooting clay pigeons...

She's an edgy gal.

By most standards, Mom leads a full life, and yet, there comes a time when a girl needs a little companionship.

Oh, she would never say that out loud, but I know her well enough to know it's true.

I brought up the subject gently, promoting Internet dating sites as a virtual pool of potential matches.

Not that a local guy wouldn't be welcome.  Not at all.

It's just that most of the men Mom's age are, well, dead.

To find a viable guy between the ages of 65 and 75, one needs to cover a broader area, say 2,500 miles.

Mom agreed a peek at the program wouldn't hurt, but warned we must be extremely careful, lest I set her up with a man from a Federal Correctional Institution or lose the children's college savings in a scam.

OK, maybe she's not *that* edgy.

Initial Optimism

I helped her set up an online profile titled, "Seventy Is The New Sixty!"  It provided a neat synopsis of who she is and displayed a casual picture of Mom smiling and waving, as if she had not one care in the world.

Mom laid out the desired demographics and specific attributes a possible mate would have to possess.

"First and foremost," she tells me, "the man must have good teeth."

"Define good," I said.

"His own teeth, in his own mouth...attached to his own gums."

"What else?"

"Widowed, not divorced, and at least 5 feet 10 inches tall."

I suspected Mom had a better chance of getting jock itch, but we forged ahead.

Eventual Disillusion

$29.99 bought us 30 days of seek and find.

To my surprise, there were a couple dozen or so men in the right age category.  Those with pictures usually lean on a boat or a sports car, or stand in a half frame beside a white block that once held a spouse.

Many of the guys claim they like to dance, and one fellow even boasts that he likes loud music.

I wonder if it occurred to him that he is probalby half deaf.

Most of the fellows seem like your everyday kind of people, with an occasional screwball thrown in.

One man compared himself to a fine car, emphasizing that "everything under the hood works."

Another claimed to be turned on by reptiles and sunrises, turned off by assertiveness and diet drinks.

No idea what that means.

The hard truth is, no matter what the personality, strengths or quirks, older men are not looking for older women.  The vast majority request women between the ages of 35 and 55...slender, athletic women...the kind that can lift them to a sitting position before feeding them dinner.

Resigned Pragmatism

We made no big strides in the dating department during those 30 days, nothing beyond a quick correspondence or two.

Mom didn't waste a lot of time fretting over it, however.  She has a firm faith that if God intends for her to meet a man, she will meet the right man.

She reminded me, "You can't always get what you want.  But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need."

In the meantime, $29.99 can buy a whole lot of clay pigeons.

(Click on this link)

No comments: