CAT Scans and Tuna Noodle Casseroles

Earlier this spring, I was invited to speak at the District Conference for the Ohio Child Conservation League.  The meeting was held at Kingwood Center and followed the theme of "Renewing Your Spirit."

As I mulled that idea around in my wee mind, I had images of the usual things people might do to revive or reinvent themselves:  increased exercise, taking a trip, going to a spa.  All great ideas, no doubt, but I wanted something more, something to offer that could renew the spirit for the long haul.

And so, I used my experience of writing, and the joy it has brought to my life, and spoke on the idea of renewing your spirit through creativity.

Creative, I know.

I started out my presentation by offering up three questions:

1.  Try to think of a time in your life when you felt really alive, a time you were excited about what you were doing.  Write it down.

2.  What do you need to feel that engaged again?

3.  What do you want your life to look like in three years?  Write down the first task in making that happen.

We talked about releasing the fear of uncertainty, and reframing our attitudes.  We did writing exercises that allowed lateral thinking.

We shared a home cooked meal and we laughed a lot.  I think we all left Kingwood feeling a little lighter, and at least considering the endless possibilities life has to offer.

And then, three or four weeks passed, and at the ripe age of 52, I was diagnosed with Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer.

Shocking?  Sobering?  Humbling?

Yes, yes, and yes.

At first, they said it was gastritis.  That was easy to accept.

But, we quickly progressed to possible kidney infection, and then possible kidney stone.  Oh, how I dreaded the thought of passing that out of my body.

But, the CAT Scan showed something different, and the PET Scan showed something more, and the biopsies were more than happy to cooperate with what we already knew.

It was funny, almost, when the doctor delivered the news.  They actually gave me an emesis basin, not the kidney shaped kind that could actually remind you of a kidney bean and make you vomit.  No, the new emesis basins are circles, two inches deep and five inches wide.  As if a container of such size could hold all that's inside me.

I am filled with emotion, from anxiety to zaniness.  It is a roller coaster ride of hope and despair.  It's easy to be scared, and hard to hand over control.  I have begun what feels like a surreal journey.  But, I must tell you, there is good news.

The good news is I live in a community of support.  I have received countless cards and e-mails, flowers and gifts.  Not a day goes by that I fail to find a treasure in my path.

Through both Mansfield Christian School and Mt. Zion Lutheran Church in Lucas, my family has been provided, and will be provided, with meals through the end of June.  Can you imagine?  Friends and people I barely know, walking into my kitchen with beef stew, salads, pies, Ho-Ho cake and beyond.

And, if you curl your nose up at Tuna Noodle Casserole, well then, all I can say is, you haven't had Joanie's.

People pray for me, with me, and lay their hands on me.  They renew my spirit, and I am thankful.  They help me to release the fear of uncertainty, and to reframe my thinking.

They remind me in every way, that He is still here.  He has not left me and will sustain me.  He is in charge.

So, let me end this column by asking you a few questions:

1.  Try to think of a time in your life when you felt really alive, a time you were excited about what you were doing.  Write it down.

2.  What do you need to feel that engaged again?

3.  What do you want your life to look like in three years?  Write down your first task in making that happen.

Now is the time.